Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Randomize
