These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
