Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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