I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize