Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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