Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
