I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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