remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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