That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
