Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
