Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
