I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
