sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
