We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
ugly people sure do ruin things
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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