my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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