I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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