Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
