It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
