Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
