Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
