By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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