but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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