First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
