the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize