Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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