I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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