Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
