she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize