he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
