I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Four minutes until I can fart!
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
