I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
