If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
im holly from the hills drunk
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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