I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
