your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
