I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
My cat gives me a boner
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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