I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
