I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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