dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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