No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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