Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Is it because I queefed?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
