trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
