i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
