the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
