What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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