i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
