My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
