I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
well I can't set my house on fire every night
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
