So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
