Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
