"it" just moved
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
