the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
