ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
