My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
