3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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