I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
