he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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