you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
i believe in u and ur pee
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
