I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
