So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
