I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
