1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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