Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize