Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize