We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
