we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
