His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
