How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
