3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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