I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
