super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
