Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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