You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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