When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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