the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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