the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
