I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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