there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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