Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We are all done wearing pants today
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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