Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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