I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
