So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
