I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
