The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
