His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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