do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
