I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
