Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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