Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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