non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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