I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
