i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
