I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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