Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
