when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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