i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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